


sea song

by blackkat



Series: IruKisa Drabbles [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Alternate Universe - Pirate, First Meetings, Humor, M/M, Marooned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 12:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20564600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat
Summary: “I didn’t touch your porn!” Iruka snarls. “I’m beingframed, you asshole!”Kakashi—in full captain’s regalia, wearing his stupid hat with the stupid feather that droops right in front of his stupid eye—gives him a beaming smile and says, “That sounds like what a criminal would say, Iruka.”





	sea song

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: Iruka/Kisame - stranded at sea after being ditched by your pirate buddies being an ass.

“I didn’t touch your porn!” Iruka snarls. “I’m being _framed,_ you asshole!”

Kakashi—in full captain’s regalia, wearing his stupid hat with the stupid feather that droops right in front of his stupid eye—gives him a beaming smile and says, “That sounds like what a criminal would say, Iruka.”

Iruka eyes the distance between them, and wonders if he’s close enough to kick Kakashi out of the dinghy. Probably, but the flash of orange and midnight blue scales in the water beside them says Obito is following, and he’d likely toss Kakashi right back into the boat. Something about not polluting his oceans with trash, which, fair. 

“It _wasn’t me_,” he insists, tugging at his bound hands. “I made the _threat_ but I didn’t actually touch your damned books!”

Kakashi’s hum is patently disbelieving. “Well, if it wasn’t you, Iruka, who was it?”

That’s the sticking point. Iruka groans, slumping back against the prow, and glares death and murder at his captain. “I don’t _know_ who decided to dump them overboard, but I wouldn’t.” Quite frankly, he’d be more inclined to steal them instead, because Kakashi had the complete set of all of Jiraiya’s works, including copies of _Icha Icha Quest_, which is _impossible_ to find anywhere. Iruka’s been hiding his fondness for Jiraiya’s more risqué novels for years at this point, though, and Naruto seems to be the only one who’s cottoned on, so he’s not about to _say_ that. 

“You told me you were going to,” Kakashi points out, perfectly mild. “In fact, your exact words were _I’m going to throw those damned books over the side_. That seems like solid evidence to me.”

Manning the oars, Yamato gives him a sympathetic wince, but doesn’t try to protest. 

“I can’t believe you’re marooning me over _porn,”_ Iruka hisses, and gives another tug at the ropes to see if they’ve loosened at all in the past five minutes. 

_“Briefly_ marooning,” Kakashi says blithely. “We’ll be back in a week, and there’s an old cache of food and rum here that will more than serve you until we pick you up. Think of it as time and space to reflect on you heinous actions.”

Iruka hisses at him in irritation, but doesn’t bother saying that it will be nice to have a vacation away from _The Leaf_ and its ridiculousness. It’s the principle of the thing, after all. 

With a gentle lurch, the dinghy runs aground, and Yamato vaults out into the surf to pull it further up onto the island’s shore. Kakashi, being an asshole, waits to step out until the water is ankle-deep, and he leaves Iruka to struggle out by himself. Because he’s an _ass,_ and Iruka is going to put laxatives in his food for a _month._

The water ripples, and a moment later Obito breaks the surface, hauling himself up on the side of the boat and catching Iruka’s elbow to steady him as he climbs out. Iruka has to be careful of the long, curling tail, brilliant in the sunshine and clear water, but the support is nice. 

“Sorry about him,” Obito says with a grimace. “I’ll capsize the dinghy on the way back to the boat, if you want.”

Iruka hesitates, torn. On the one hand, _revenge,_ and at the hand of Kakashi’s boyfriend at that. On the other…

“Can you make sure Yamato doesn’t drown?” he asks. 

Obito’s smirk shows a flash of needle teeth. “Done,” he agrees, and hauls himself up onto the wet sand a little ways, tail curling through the surf like some bright sea serpent. “And I’ll make sure he’s not that late coming back.”

“Naruto would throw a fit if he was,” Iruka huffs, and sinks down to sit next to him. Obito tugs his bound hands towards him, studying the knot—  
And yelps, as a hand in his braid tugs him back. 

“I hope you’re not undermining my punishment of a terrible crime,” Kakashi says blithely, and leans down. There’s a moment of struggle on both sides, then a squawk, and Obito jerks to wrap his arms around Kakashi’s neck as he’s lifted off the sand. 

“Bakashi!” he protests. “Put me the fuck down, what are you—”

With a faint wheeze, Kakashi drops him in the boat, and says, “Stay.”

Obito snaps at his fingers as they withdraw, and only just misses taking off the top joint. “Shithead,” he growls. “I’ll get you back for that.”

“Don’t threaten your captain,” Kakashi retorts, and then rounds on Iruka, leveling a finger at him. “What do you have to say for yourself, Umino Iruka?”

Iruka is pretty sure Obito had the right idea, biting fingers. He eyes the one in his face, then Kakashi, and says waspishly, “I hope you never find all the books to complete your collection, but I didn’t do it.”

Kakashi’s sigh is deeply disappointed. “I had hoped you’d see the light. All right, Yamato, back to the ship. I think the prisoner needs a week alone to come to terms with what he’s done.”

Yamato rolls his eyes, but leans down to cut Iruka loose, and murmurs, “Sorry. Think of it as a vacation.”

A niggling suspicion rises, and Iruka narrows his eyes at the second mate. “Convenient for you,” he hisses, “that the captain doesn’t have his books anymore.”

Yamato’s smile is innocent, peaceable, and a _filthy lie._ “You were saying you wanted to strand yourself on a deserted island to get away from all of us,” he reminds Iruka, and straightens. Glaring, Iruka brings his wrists around to rub at them as the boat shoves off, full of beaming asshole captain and pissy mermaid and _filthy traitors._

“Obito!” he shouts, and Obito looks up from where he’s trying to strangle Kakashi. “I changed my mind! Let them both drown!”

There’s a startled pause, and then a laugh. The trailing end of Obito’s tail flicks up in acknowledgement, and Iruka sinks back into the sand, viciously satisfied. Even if he _is_ stuck on this damned island for a week, at the very least he can trust Obito to make it hell for Kakashi and Yamato in the meantime.

  
It doesn’t help Iruka’s temper much, but Kakashi was telling the truth about the stores. There’s a makeshift fort off the beach, with a clear trail marking its presence, and inside is enough food for the entire crew for at _least_ a month. The stream that flows through the island is safe to drink, and there don’t seem to be any animals more dangerous than sea turtles in the immediate vicinity. It’s a beautiful island, too, and if Iruka hadn’t been summarily exiled to it, he might even enjoy being here. 

As it is, though, he spends most of the first day plotting his inevitable revenge against both Kakashi and Yamato, which is satisfying and an exercise in creativity. Iruka only gives up on it when he realizes he’s involved not only Anko, who is always down for a brank or two, but everyone right down to Hinata, who definitely isn’t. Then, with a groan, he trudges back to the beach and picks a spot above the high tide line to spread out on the warm sand. 

The air is balmy, and the stars are out. The whisper of the ocean makes him feel like he’s still on the ship, and Iruka closes his eyes and breathes out, trying to hold on to his annoyance. It’s hard, though. This place is peaceful. It’s a hell of a lot different than the chaos of the ship, and objectively, the change of pace is nice. 

Iruka is still definitely going to make Kakashi pay for this, though. 

And then, light, cool, something touches his cheek. 

Half-drifting, Iruka opens his eyes, and for a moment his sleepy brain doesn’t register the face leaning over him. The picture of it slots together in pieces: luminous eyes in dark sclera, blue-grey skin marked with black chevrons, gills, _wet._

_Mer._

Iruka yelps, recoiling in a rush and rolling to his knees, ready to start punching. Obito is a rarity, in a mer; most of them would rather eat humans than sleep with them, and while sleeping with Kakashi doesn’t exactly make a great case for Obito’s _taste,_ it makes him a hell of a lot more benign than most of his kind. And this one—Iruka catches a glimpse of dorsal fins and blue-grey skin rather than scales, a tail that’s shorter and more muscular than Obito’s, and feels his heart just about leave his chest. Not _just_ a mer, but a _shark_ mer. 

Iruka doesn’t even remember opening his mouth, but he snaps, “Were you _watching me sleep_, you _creeper?”_

The mer’s eyes go wide, and he quickly raises his hands. “No!” he protests, sounding wounded. “I thought you were hurt! I’ve only seen shipwrecked people on these islands, and they usually don’t look so good.”

Oh. Iruka blinks at him for a moment, then takes a breath. In the face of a non-threat, his heartbeat is starting to slow, and he sinks back on his heels, rubbing a hand over his face to banish the last remnants of sleep. “Thanks, but I’m fine,” he says. “I—I’m just marooned here. _Briefly._ Because my captain is an _asshole.”_

There’s a startled pause, and then a chuckle. “I can eat him for you, if you want,” the mer proposes, and grins. Iruka has to swallow, because that—that is a _lot_ of teeth in one mouth. 

“I can handle my own revenge, thank you,” Iruka says, and lets himself be miffed. “Mind your own business.”

The mer laughs, deep and rumbling, and doesn’t bother to move. “I am,” he says cheerfully. “Sometimes shipwrecked sailors have money on them. Everyone needs to make a living.” Apparently catching the way Iruka suddenly bristles, he huffs. “I only take from the _dead_ ones.”

“Oh,” Iruka says, a little dubiously. He supposes that’s fair enough, though something in it wants to object to it. “Are there a lot of shipwrecks near here?” 

The mer just shrugs. “Enough, during storm season,” he says easily, and settles onto the sand, stretching out his tail. Eyes Iruka curiously, and then chuckles and says, “Most people are scared of mers.”

Iruka rolls his eyes, shifting off his knees and drawing them up to his chest to sit more comfortably. “My captain’s lover is a mer. There’s only so many times you can walk in on a mer getting screwed silly before it starts to lose its wonder.”

The laugh that gets him is loud, startled. “Another mer?” he asks delightedly. “A shark?”

“A fighting fish,” Iruka mutters, though he doesn’t _actually_ know what Obito’s species is. Maybe an anglerfish, come to think of it. He certainly has the teeth. 

Another laugh, and the mer offers his hand. “I’m Kisame,” he says, grinning. “Nice not to have to loot your corpse.”

Iruka gives him a scowl, but takes his hand. “Umino Iruka,” he says, and then loses the pointed retort he was about to make on a sharp inhale when Kisame lifts his hand to his mouth, holding Iruka’s eyes as he presses a careful kiss to his knuckles. 

“Iruka,” he repeats, and this time his grin has _heat._ “I’ll bring you some fresh fish tomorrow, Iruka.”

Before Iruka can scrape together the brain cells to respond, Kisame curls forward, sliding down through the sand and into the surf. There’s barely a ripple before he vanishes, and Iruka catches on quick flash of a dorsal fin before he’s gone. 

The back of his hand tingles, and he swallows, pressing his fingers to the spot where Kisame’s mouth lingered. 

Maybe this week won’t be so bad after all. 


End file.
